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i want everything all at once. i am the past the present and the future and i want to only be the future. I want to be the forward. the best. i want to have it all and be looking back. i will stay sad forever. i am not expressing myself. the days never feel like mine. my own; i don’t know what that is. i love the closeness. the womb. the warmth. i hate the dry cold. the chicago winter. the air isn’t so bad though. and the people are caring. they plant flowers, and watch them grow. i am something that can be watered as well. I am a frog. i look like a fish, but i need to be fed. to swim. to be held by soft wet hands. Oh all my lovers – how i leave you. how i miss you and me from back then.